It's late, and blogging every day is hard. Today was a pretty so-so day. No wise thoughts or experiences to relate, really. In the car driving to West Seattle today I became fairly upset with myself for an event that happened over the weekend. I criticized the teacher at the Zen group I sit with. I tried to make my criticism constructive and not overly accusatory or judgmental, but I think I failed pretty spectacularly.
In failing, I failed to convey what it was that I really needed to convey. That is to say, I hadn't thought enough about what, if anything I could or needed to convey. Instead I allowed myself to be pulled around by my gut reaction to the talk. The worst (or best, depending on your perspective) part of the whole experience is that I was painfully aware of all of this as it was happening, but I couldn't quite make the jump outside of my conditioning to react in a different way. Maybe next time.
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